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Venus in Scorpio from Nov 22nd-Dec 16th; and in the spirit of the trashy dating posts I'm doing this year to entertain us through dystopia fatigue -if Venus in Scorpio had a dating profile?

Look before we get started, yes being Scorpio I am famous for my sexual appetite but no that doesn't mean I want unsolicited dick pics or skanky come ons for casual sex; I mean I am the high priestess of love not some cheap trashbag right?? Right. I mean show some respect guys.

Because I don't just want your body -what I really want is your soul! I require rapturous, exhilarating passion & burning desire. I want love letters written in purple ink under a full moon, drenched in the tears of your yearning for me. I desire poetic romance & meaningful, vulnerable, brave true love. I need a mate who has fire in his belly & can match my passion with spunky, libidinous, devotion that can stand the test of time.

And if that means you're as complicated, mysterious & intense as me that's ok; I can handle the challenge & would much rather wrangle someone authentic & difficult-so long as they're for real, than someone boring just looking for an easy ride. Because I'm after something deep & meaningful here, so please do not bother replying unless you are a do-right, powerful, hungry lover who can love me like you mean it.

And I'm not just being an attention-seeking princess here, I mean if you're worth it I will FULLY reciprocate. I will go to the ends of the earth for a true partner and indulge you with such intoxicating, genuine devotion, loyalty & have your back for ever -and yes the hottest sex you've ever had btw. You aint never been loved till you've won the heart of Scorpio Venus...

Because FYI Sex is basically my religion, and I don't do boring, lukewarm, complacent pairing for the sake of security & certainly don't so sloppy, meaningless hook ups - I would rather be celibate to be honest & often am, in between my grand love affairs. So what I said earlier about not just being a sex object -lol it doesn't mean sex isn't important to me. If we're going to do this the chemistry better be there & hot to the touch, and the bedwork better be goddamn good!

Image: Paolo Roversi

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